eienmelody | Entries tagged with life

Hello folks, I've decided to go ahead and update this journal. It seems some people are still posting in their journals. While I doubt anyone comments or reads mine (who am I kidding?), I will say update.

Please note this journal is still on semi-hiatus. I won’t be actively going and reading everyone’s entries every week. I do plan, however, to start trying to go through and read entries once every two weeks or when I can log in on my cellphone – which has become my second computer at times when I'm too exhausted to log onto my laptop or desktop computer.

I got a response from a fellow web designer about my recent emails…and she noted I used the word “lazy” when describing myself with my web design and in general, my life.

The thing is, the word “lazy” in my vocabulary is not the meaning everyone makes it out to be.

I am busy most days. Not all…but most. There days, however, when I have free time I like to spend those gaming (specifically Star Wars: The Old Republic) or just browsing online. Some days I don’t even load my email at all and read the content of the emails.

Sure, my web design email and my personal emails send alerts to my iPhone. I have it set that way for most reasons including: emails about trouble checks, staffing duties (at TFL), personal message notices (NFA/TFL), emails from my cousins/extended family, fanfiction, and so much more.

However, I also work two jobs. I’m a manager at Taco Bell (okay shift leader/hourly manager) and work as a pharmacy technician a few nights a week at Walgreens. I have little time for much because I’m trying to get my butt back into college.

I am saving money so I can go back to school. Between Obama’s stupid healthcare law – requiring me to have insurance when I can’t afford it monthly or get fined at the beginning of January 2016.

I owe $15, 587 (USD) towards my last semester of school. My transcripts are locked – which means until I pay that school off – I cannot get into another college/university without lying. I cannot get aid...which means I could get expelled from another university. I make at one job $15/hr which each paycheck I loose almost $200 in taxes. Second job I barely get $9/hr for 20 hours a week. This means, working about 60 hours a week..I'm making more money now than I did when I was waiting tables and had money to pay my school bill (and I didn't...which was stupid of me).

With the economy being the way it is, I have had to put of my own dreams to stay alive and put food on my table. I've had to say instead of paying towards my school bill, I'll pay $10 to an icecream or a month's subscription of Star Wars: TOR if it means I can come home and relax.

So, for my definition of lazy, it means I have to update when I want to and can update, then by all means…I will. I live my life for me and my future husband. The price of keeping my sanity and allowing me to keep doing my online hobbies and real world hobbies…if it means allowing me to avoid my emails for a few hours…then I will.

Until next time!

Current Mood: ecstatic
Crossposts: http://eienmelody1.livejournal.com/30633.html

There was once a time when I wanted to have a Sailor Moon website and it be popular. That was over seven years ago when I first got into web design. I bought a domain, Eien-Melody.net just for that purpose. Named after the Japanese song Eien no Melody that was the background midi file for the old SailorMars.com when it was active.

Things have changed and I figured it is time I do to. I once had a Sailor Moon/Inuyasha website (for an old popular fanfiction that sucks so badly), a Dawn/Hikari (Pokemon) fansite, a Sailor Moon domain directory, started a Dragonball fansite in late 2009 that took until early 2011 to open, and of course, start my own fanlisting collective. I even started a few projects that was supposed to be an Inuyasha/Kagome couple tribute page and a Donatello fansite as well. Many of these projects are closed or on hiatus. The only one still active is my Dragonball fansite and sadly, those pages are even far less than Sailor Moon websites closing.

This decision has come a lot to many people. We just find ourselves in a time of our lives we no longer update websites. Often, fansites are getting replaced by Facebook pages and fandoms slowly dwindle and change. In fact, <a href="http://hoshichan.com">Hoshichan</a> recently closed her two Sailor Moon websites...one that had been around since 1997.

I used to begin to wonder why people let their websites close until I started to be in those shoes for seven years now. In those seven years I've fought hard to earn myself a minor name on the web. I've never had a popular interface amongst TFL/TAFL users, have few followers on Twitter, and loss contact with almost all of my old online friends but three (John, Kei/Tyrone, and Glowstick/Ally). PS.net's forums died over two years ago and I only rarely see posts from Rydell.  I've met new online friends (or not so new now) such as April, Usagi (UMU.com), Mayum, Buruma, Beth, the entire NFA Community, and of course, that one user from Fanfiction.net (NeoMiniTails) who I barely know but like to keep in contact with every now.

I haven't been on the web that long but the time has been plentiful. I've always enjoyed writing fanfiction. I've done it long before I learned how to create a simple text link on a web page. Such as time has passed, I've been through a lot. Too much to begin to even put on here without having to split everything up.

My decision is to slowly start decreasing my web design activities and focus on those that I've wanted to do for years. Update my Dragonball fansite, reopen that Sailor Moon directory (possibly), redo that Dawn/Hikari shrine I made, and maintain fanlistings with a smaller number of hobbies.

But yet my big wish is that as I start to get back into school after a semester off is to get back into writing. Writing has always been a creative outlet and while writing fanfiction may seem weird to some now...I like to keep my creative mind going by doing something that comes easier than web design. Writing has been something I've done to express things. Many projects never get published though I write them. Some take forever to get done because of life.

I'll focus on my web projects and consolidate many of them. I may let go of some domains I've owned for a few years now (Charming-Up.org, despite my love for Pokemon) and revamp my personal domain. One thing is I love my first domain and while I'll never get rid of it (I couldn't bare the thought of losing something close in my life after all these years), it is time redesign my web projects, update many links, and of course, get back to my writing.

I want to get back to blogging (more mature blogging, even here on LJ) and maybe help me keep my expressive outlet going. I quit making music videos years ago something which I began long before I ever could write properly. It was one of my expressive outlets. Web design has now taken place of that hobby. I miss making videos and who knows, maybe some day I'll return to that stuff. However, I have decided to take some time to devout to my writing and get "my roots." I no longer do RPGs (haha, miss those days though ): ) and rarely post on forums except one.

Amber will still be here but she needs use some of her time to be herself and not feel burdened by web design to be her main priority all the time. Now she needs to focus on getting some web projects done and get those WIPs from over three years ago done on Fanfiction.net. :)

Current Mood: thankful

I've decided to make my blog a bit more public so people can read it if they choose. Some entries will still be private. However, there are few entries I've decided I may write in the future to show that this thing is somewhat active. Please note, there is some "religious" stuff in this post but hey, you can sub out the prayer for mediation time or something else you do. I am just coming from my own POV.

I have been working at a restaurant we will call the 'DC' for online purposes. I work as a server there and the hours just seem to drag on times. So many times I've wanted to just quit and try to find a job elsewhere, but I just find myself lacking the ability. I need the job to pay rent, have food, and gas money to stay alive during school.

The tips are an advantage but the downfall is the people you deal with. Tables worrying about their food, servers stealing silverware - which makes me wonder how mature actually some of my older co-workers are, angry managers on wrong food orders, and do not get me started on the sidework.

Too many times that job makes me feel like you are on a emotional roller coaster each week. Some times you have a good day but lately it feels if the bad days out number the good days. The best solution I've always done is not take my work home with me. It has always done me good for the most part.

The negative side is those emotions still stick with you. You need to find a way to "de-stress" after working - especially in the customer service industry. I do not believe though it should be done with alcohol. People chose the alcohol because it gets them to relax and feel better. I do not mind the casual drink myself.

Even then, sometimes 'DC' wants to make me drink because of place. People just make me exhausted being there. I'm such an introvert that trying to work in the customer service industry sucks...seriously. It makes me feel t

However, I've found that exercising or doing a hobby I enjoy while taking out some of those emotions (in a good way) have helped me feel better. I pray a lot, yes, but even then at times I think God is just telling me, "Go run. Go write, do something to help you cope so you can understand why I put you through those trials."

Now, I do not believe it is a substitute for talking with God but sometimes I do not want to pray that angry or that annoyed. I guess part of it is because I know better...way better. But while I try to come to God as I am, I just sometimes as a human have to release those emotions in my hobbies. (:

I also find listening to music helps after work or even spend a minute forcing yourself to slowly take deep breaths also help. What are some methods you use or suggest?

This entry was originally posted at my DreamWidth account. All entries are now posted there, but you can comment here and I'll respond.